then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
