My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
