You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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