I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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