I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
