Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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