If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
