quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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