I smell stomach acid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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