the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
