her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
