You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
