you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
