Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
