So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
