so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
