and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
