this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
