I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize