You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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