Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
