I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
