Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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