Me too!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
