beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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