oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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