Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
