I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize