booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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