My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
