I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
ttyl tear gas
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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