your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
