Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
