he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize