Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
