Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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