and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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