You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
