when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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