Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
