My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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