Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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