I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
