apparently the secret to your success is patron
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
