Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
