Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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