Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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