Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
