Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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