We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
