I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
