ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
