I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can I color on your dick again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
