she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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