And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
