Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize