Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
