well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boobs speak an international language.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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