ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
