Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
