they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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