she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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