hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
