Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I forget how to act sober
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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