woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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